Hindu Statement

Its not a Religious Statement, Its a Cultural Statement!!!

Minister throws files at woman officer

Finally we can say that files are “moving” in our government offices.

Nagpur: A woman officer of the Zilla Parishad in Chimur fell unconscious after a heated argument with Minister of State for Irrigation Vijay Wadettiwar, who allegedly threw files at her. She was admitted to hospital.

February 17, 2009 Posted by | Current Affairs, Humour | , , | Leave a comment

`All means will be used to end terror coming from Pakistan,’ says Pranab

External Affairs Minister Pranab Mukherjee on Thursday said that India would use all means at its disposal to end terror coming from Pakistan. But coming from a party that is steeped in favoritism, I am assuming that these were the ideas going on in his mind (and the minds of the congress think tank) when the minister made his statement.

  1. Since the terrorists are creating the problem because of Kashmir and Gujarat, we are planning to part with these two states and give them to Pakistan as a mark of friendship.
  2. Also since Himachal is bordering with J&K, we might as well give HP to them, that way they will be very sure that we mean peace.
  3. We will change our constitution to incorporate taliban style laws in India. This way the terrorists will not be offended and there will not be any more blood shed.
  4. All the terrorist (actually we dont call them terrorists, its the right wing) who are languishing in the jails will be released and compensated with land, job and money by the Indian Government.
  5. We are planning to remove the CBSE certification to all CBSE schools and give them only to the madrasas in what will be left out of India.
  6. Also the bangladeshi (illegal) immigrants feel very tired after a walk from their country into West Bengal, so we plan to fly Air India flight’s (for free) to and from various points in Bangladesh to bring the immigrants into India fully rejuvenated.
  7. We do have a plan to give West Bengal to Bangladesh but then the “left wing” is opposing the move as they want to “gift” West Bengal to China. We are in talks with the “left wing” and will decide on it ASAP.
  8. We are also willing to give them land and military training for jihadi operations if they promise not to use the training on Indians (but they will be allowed to use the “right wing” as target practice)

Long Live Italy…Errr Sorry …India

February 13, 2009 Posted by | Humour, My Views - My Ramble's | , | Leave a comment

The etiquette to being a “Secular” Indian.

There are etiquette’s for almost everything from talking on the phone to clearing your bladder at the toilet, so it is imperative that we have an etiquette to be a secular indian.

Here are a few and if incase you can add to these, please do so.

  • First and the foremost, if you see anything mentioning hinduism and hindu, automatically relate it to the rightwing hindutva brigand.Anything related to other religions is considered Secular.
  • If a group of goons threaten an author about bringing disrepute to anyother religion apart from Hinduism call them as “activists”, while goons threatening some one in the name of Hinduism call them “Hooligans”.
  • If a missionary forcefully converts some one to christianity call it as his/her fundamental right to propogate his religion. But if someone tries to “reconvert” them, call them well.you know… rightwing.
  • Make a hell of a noise about the “right wing” beating up girls in mangalore and dont even look at the episode about a pakistani student being beaten up in mumbai.
  • Make a fuss about a hindu marrying the second time when his wife is still alive but defend the constitutional right of a muslim man to marry more than once.
  • Never negate the aryan invasion theory even if you dont know what it is, and whether its right or wrong. Believe in it for the only reason that the “right wing” is against it.
  • Cry your heart out because muslims are not allowed into the mainstream, while any muslim who wanted to make it big in the main stream has done it without any kind of opposition from the majority.
  • Talk about the muslim presecution in the gaza strip, even of you dont know what Hamas did and are doing. Heck you need not even know where Israel and the gaza strip is.
  • Talk about gaza when you dont have a clue about what the kashmiri pandits are going through.
  • Relate every militant attack on the Kashmir issue while you are blissfully unaware of the ulterior motives of the militants.
  • Enter the words “Hindu Talibanisation” into your vocabulary, and use it when ever you can.
  • And yeah believe that Obama is the savior of the world and follow his every move, while you need not have a clue of who the vice president of india is.

February 4, 2009 Posted by | Current Affairs, Free Speech & Thought, General Thoughts., Humour | , | 6 Comments

Aryan Invasion Theory – A chat with Max Muller

Max Muller

Max Muller

Wanting to find what exactly the Aryan invasion Theory was, I decided that asking anyone apart from Max Muller would only give me a contorted and personalized view of the Theory, so I sought out the “great” man , to explain is theory so that I could understand it a little better.

We exchanged the pleasantries and I I ventured into the topi and asked him to explain the AIT for me. Here are the excerpts from the chat that we had.

Max Muller(MM): Long time ago around 2500 years after the earth was created by god….

Me: Er…Am sorry sir, but did I really hear what i just heared ? (heck if I hadnt heared wat I heared I am hallucinating isn’t it), that the world was created in 1500+2500 = 4000 B.C.??

MM: Yes you dimwit, don’t u know your “history”?? Don’t you know that the bible says that earth was created in 4004 BC? I knew it, I knew that you dark skinned people are fools, I really believe in what my good friend Macaulay says about converting you people to become “European in thought and Indians in looks”. You fools can’t think for your selves.

Me: Hail Hitler, I mean Muller ..Please continue (I get confused with names of people who propose German racial superiority)

MM: Ok let me recap for you because I know you would have forgotten where I started. I know that, because I saw the film about losing your memory in 15 minutes ….err… I forgot the name of the movie, and I concluded that every one of you Indians is like that. And no, you cannot change my conclusion and we are also going to put this theory of mine about Indians having very short memories into your text books, so that your future generation learns about it.

(I thought I caught a glimpse of the great man going into a nostalgic trip, so I had to wake him up)

MM: Ahem, I was thinking about something similar that happened a long time back. Anyway, as I was saying, around 1500 BC a group of Nomadic tribesmen, of fair skin, blue eyes and tall body structure.. Well to cut it short a group of smart blondes (I wanted to ask whether some jokes going round about blondes are true, but I did not want to interrupt the great man) on horse driven chariot’s came to (I wanted to ask him how they came precisely to the Indus Valley where there was a civilization and nowhere else, but I wanted to it for later) the Indus valley where there was a great civilization of the dark skinned Dravidians. It was a really great civilization, with Roads, cities, drainage system, a strong administrative system etc, but they did not have the horse chariot like we Aryans had, I mean like the Aryans had. See I told you that you Indians were fools and did not even have the brains to domesticate a horse.

Me: But Mr. Muller they had such a great civilization

MM: Oh shut up So what if they had a great civilization? They did not domesticate a horse, so they must be stupid. And now let me continue my flawless theory.

Me: But there are cave paintings which depict a horse and a rider even before the mighty Aryans came……

MM: Will you shut up and let me continue? Ok these Aryans came from Europe and ransacked the whole place. And made the Dravidians run for their life. You know they were scared to shit to such an extent that they ran all the way into South India !! Poor buggers Ha ha ha.

Me: But Sir, was there an exodus of these Aryans from Europe? Because, it would take a hell a lot of people to over throw an already existing civilization, that too the ones who had forts around their towns. (I really wanted to check if he had any idea if the south at that time was empty or populated with any other civilization, but then the great man had to continue.)

MM: No, it’s was just a few hordes of them but why do they need lots of soldiers to defeat the dark skinned fools? Anyways this tribe of Aryans then settled down all over the place in India, except in the cities and town that they won over.

Me: But sir why would an invading tribe not settle down in the town that they had captured?

MM: How can a smart group of barbaric people occupy town and cities created by dark skinned fools ? Ok lets continue, these tribes settled down all over the northwest of India and started to preach the vedas that they had bought with them.

Me: The Vedas were bought along with them sir? Wow it must have been mighty difficult to fight with a sword in one hand and a book in the other, and that too doing a balancing act on a Horse!! But sir, I also heard that Sanskrit is one of the most grammatically correct languages and is even considered to be the best suited as a computer language. How can a nomadic tribe create such an exquisite language?

(He was thinking for some time and then responded)

MM: This is a propaganda by the rightwing , hindutva faction who wants to make Sanskrit as the world language, do not believe them.

(I couldn’t believe my ears, I did finally realize that anything remotely concerned with India and its ancient history is considered rightwing. So I just let it go.)

Me: Oh Well Ok Sir. So the barbaric tribe came from Europe they bought their books with them, chased the aboriginal people of India into the south and became Indians? But then sir, why is there a uniformity of the Aryan religion all over India, even though the Dravidians were chased off ?

MM: Oh that was a parting gift from the smart blondes, they gave the fleeing Dravidians a photocopy of their religious text and asked them to read it, if they wanted to be smart like them. That’s how the Dravidians started to follow the Aryan religion.

By Now my head was WHIRLING like a washing machine, I had to stop, so I asked his permission to leave for the day and requested a appointment sometime later so as to clear a lot of other doubts. He agreed, so when I get a chance to speak to him again I will clear a few more doubts and will update them on this blog.

*********Update*********

The Aryan Invasion theory in all seriousness is as follows.

According to the theory, a Caucasian race of nomadic warriors known as the Aryans, originating in the Caucasus mountains in Central Asia, invaded Northern India and Iran, somewhere between 1800 and 1500 BC. The Invaders entered the Indian sub-continent from the mountain passes of the Hindu Kush mountains possibly on horseback, bringing with them the domesticated horse into the sub-continent. The theory further proposes that this race displaced the indigenous Dravidian people and their Indus Valley Culture, and that the bulk of the indigenous people moved to the Southern reaches of the subcontinent. The Aryans brought with them their own Vedic religion, which was codified in the Vedas around the 1500 to 1200 BC. Upon arrival in India, the Aryans abandoned their nomadic lifestyle and intermixed with the Dravidians remaining in the north of India. The victory of the Aryans over the Indus Valley Civilization was quick and complete, resulting in the complete domination of Aryan culture and language over the northern part of the subcontinent and considerable influence on parts of the south.

February 2, 2009 Posted by | Aryan Invasion Theory, Free Speech & Thought, Humour | , , , | 2 Comments