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Aryan Invasion Theory – A chat with Max Muller

Max Muller

Max Muller

Wanting to find what exactly the Aryan invasion Theory was, I decided that asking anyone apart from Max Muller would only give me a contorted and personalized view of the Theory, so I sought out the “great” man , to explain is theory so that I could understand it a little better.

We exchanged the pleasantries and I I ventured into the topi and asked him to explain the AIT for me. Here are the excerpts from the chat that we had.

Max Muller(MM): Long time ago around 2500 years after the earth was created by god….

Me: Er…Am sorry sir, but did I really hear what i just heared ? (heck if I hadnt heared wat I heared I am hallucinating isn’t it), that the world was created in 1500+2500 = 4000 B.C.??

MM: Yes you dimwit, don’t u know your “history”?? Don’t you know that the bible says that earth was created in 4004 BC? I knew it, I knew that you dark skinned people are fools, I really believe in what my good friend Macaulay says about converting you people to become “European in thought and Indians in looks”. You fools can’t think for your selves.

Me: Hail Hitler, I mean Muller ..Please continue (I get confused with names of people who propose German racial superiority)

MM: Ok let me recap for you because I know you would have forgotten where I started. I know that, because I saw the film about losing your memory in 15 minutes ….err… I forgot the name of the movie, and I concluded that every one of you Indians is like that. And no, you cannot change my conclusion and we are also going to put this theory of mine about Indians having very short memories into your text books, so that your future generation learns about it.

(I thought I caught a glimpse of the great man going into a nostalgic trip, so I had to wake him up)

MM: Ahem, I was thinking about something similar that happened a long time back. Anyway, as I was saying, around 1500 BC a group of Nomadic tribesmen, of fair skin, blue eyes and tall body structure.. Well to cut it short a group of smart blondes (I wanted to ask whether some jokes going round about blondes are true, but I did not want to interrupt the great man) on horse driven chariot’s came to (I wanted to ask him how they came precisely to the Indus Valley where there was a civilization and nowhere else, but I wanted to it for later) the Indus valley where there was a great civilization of the dark skinned Dravidians. It was a really great civilization, with Roads, cities, drainage system, a strong administrative system etc, but they did not have the horse chariot like we Aryans had, I mean like the Aryans had. See I told you that you Indians were fools and did not even have the brains to domesticate a horse.

Me: But Mr. Muller they had such a great civilization

MM: Oh shut up So what if they had a great civilization? They did not domesticate a horse, so they must be stupid. And now let me continue my flawless theory.

Me: But there are cave paintings which depict a horse and a rider even before the mighty Aryans came……

MM: Will you shut up and let me continue? Ok these Aryans came from Europe and ransacked the whole place. And made the Dravidians run for their life. You know they were scared to shit to such an extent that they ran all the way into South India !! Poor buggers Ha ha ha.

Me: But Sir, was there an exodus of these Aryans from Europe? Because, it would take a hell a lot of people to over throw an already existing civilization, that too the ones who had forts around their towns. (I really wanted to check if he had any idea if the south at that time was empty or populated with any other civilization, but then the great man had to continue.)

MM: No, it’s was just a few hordes of them but why do they need lots of soldiers to defeat the dark skinned fools? Anyways this tribe of Aryans then settled down all over the place in India, except in the cities and town that they won over.

Me: But sir why would an invading tribe not settle down in the town that they had captured?

MM: How can a smart group of barbaric people occupy town and cities created by dark skinned fools ? Ok lets continue, these tribes settled down all over the northwest of India and started to preach the vedas that they had bought with them.

Me: The Vedas were bought along with them sir? Wow it must have been mighty difficult to fight with a sword in one hand and a book in the other, and that too doing a balancing act on a Horse!! But sir, I also heard that Sanskrit is one of the most grammatically correct languages and is even considered to be the best suited as a computer language. How can a nomadic tribe create such an exquisite language?

(He was thinking for some time and then responded)

MM: This is a propaganda by the rightwing , hindutva faction who wants to make Sanskrit as the world language, do not believe them.

(I couldn’t believe my ears, I did finally realize that anything remotely concerned with India and its ancient history is considered rightwing. So I just let it go.)

Me: Oh Well Ok Sir. So the barbaric tribe came from Europe they bought their books with them, chased the aboriginal people of India into the south and became Indians? But then sir, why is there a uniformity of the Aryan religion all over India, even though the Dravidians were chased off ?

MM: Oh that was a parting gift from the smart blondes, they gave the fleeing Dravidians a photocopy of their religious text and asked them to read it, if they wanted to be smart like them. That’s how the Dravidians started to follow the Aryan religion.

By Now my head was WHIRLING like a washing machine, I had to stop, so I asked his permission to leave for the day and requested a appointment sometime later so as to clear a lot of other doubts. He agreed, so when I get a chance to speak to him again I will clear a few more doubts and will update them on this blog.

*********Update*********

The Aryan Invasion theory in all seriousness is as follows.

According to the theory, a Caucasian race of nomadic warriors known as the Aryans, originating in the Caucasus mountains in Central Asia, invaded Northern India and Iran, somewhere between 1800 and 1500 BC. The Invaders entered the Indian sub-continent from the mountain passes of the Hindu Kush mountains possibly on horseback, bringing with them the domesticated horse into the sub-continent. The theory further proposes that this race displaced the indigenous Dravidian people and their Indus Valley Culture, and that the bulk of the indigenous people moved to the Southern reaches of the subcontinent. The Aryans brought with them their own Vedic religion, which was codified in the Vedas around the 1500 to 1200 BC. Upon arrival in India, the Aryans abandoned their nomadic lifestyle and intermixed with the Dravidians remaining in the north of India. The victory of the Aryans over the Indus Valley Civilization was quick and complete, resulting in the complete domination of Aryan culture and language over the northern part of the subcontinent and considerable influence on parts of the south.

February 2, 2009 Posted by | Aryan Invasion Theory, Free Speech & Thought, Humour | , , , | 2 Comments